i think my tv is drunk
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
