don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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