Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
