Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
