They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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