Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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