Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
