I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
