I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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