Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
