i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
