The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we're making bets on your personal life
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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