I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
