I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
