you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
