Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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