I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
