sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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