D3 body, D1 cock
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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