don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
