I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
