she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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