ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
