why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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