Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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