Having a random hookup so left but love u
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
