I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
