Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
