i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
