This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
