They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
