My room smells like vodka and shame
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
