We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
