So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
