She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
