and i looked up. we had an audience...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
