I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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