You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
