I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
