College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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