Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
