If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
soo... how was my night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
