Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
