I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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