Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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