come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
