Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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