I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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