Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
