Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
